Hellacious trip to Target

Please don't misunderstand the title of this post. The Target goods and services were wonderful. The hellacious part was the behavior of my children. After plenty of rest and a well balanced breakfast I took my kids to Target for a little shopping trip. While driving though the parking lot Elias sees the Golden Arches and asks for nuggets. Of course! Nuggets will prove to be an awesome distraction while I forage for toilet paper and other such household goods. We even find a giant cart at Target; the kind that has room for the newborn in his carseat and the toddler in his big boy seat. Things are looking great! I stop at the Starbucks in Target's lobby to order myself some energy in a cup. Elias asks for chocolate milk. Why not? I hardly ever let the boy have sweets.
Fast forward three minutes. I don't even make it past the dollar bin before Elias has abandoned his nuggets and starts flinging chocolate milk with the straw. Grrr. I grab a tunic to try on to cover my postpartum girth and head for the dressing room. This marks Elias' first escape attempt. He absolutely loses his poo! Whining, crying, bucking and wiggling out of the harness. I tap his hiney to let him know that I'm serious. Then he bolts. He's fast! He's 20 yards off before I catch up to him. Also note, I'm fast. 5.0 40 yard dash fast. Not bad for a 5'4 white girl. When we get back to the cart the kindly grandma who works in the clothing department stands with my cart and infant while I take Elias into the dressing room and give him an 'I mean it' spanking. He is subdued...for three more minutes. The next half an hour sees a bevy of tricks and treats in an attempt to quell the rebellion. We try a coloring book and crayons, Harold the helicopter from the diaper bag, a fruit squeeze from the food aisle, his monkey and a binkie (which I had to buy because his other binkie was in the car), jelly beans served in his baseball cap and finally Shaun the Sheep via Netflix in my iPhone. During this process Lincoln cries periodically only to be re-binked...about 30 times. 'He cant be hungry' I think to myself. I just fed him before we left the house. 'Keep shopping so you can go home' I repeat. 'Keep shopping'. I received several dirty looks during the adventure, no doubt from the childless. I don't blame them. Before I had kids I would have referred to this scene as birth control.
I learned a valuable lesson today. I can either deal with the exhausting situation known as errands with two children and the potential frustration that ensues as a result of this brave and gutsy move OR abandon the cart at the first sign of a toddler uprising and take out butts home. So if you're ever walking through Target and see an abandoned shopping cart filled with the would-be purchases of a harried housewife, know that you have either missed me by a few minutes or there is another mother who has wisely chosen to not do battle at Target, and has removed herself to another field or play where she has more leverage - home. Pray for her. She has left a trail of scattered goldfish in her wake but the unseen carnage is the more distressing. It is the tears she cries on the drive home. And during nap. And bedtime. Every mother of a strong willed toddler knows what I'm talking about so if you happen to see a mother doing battle in Target, don't give her dirty looks. Give her a smile, a real toothy grin and perhaps even a word of encouragement. It just might help her get through the day.